It’s true that being overly available can seem desperate or unattractive, but the last thing you want to do is play dating games.
If you’re suffering from no-life syndrome, step back and ask yourself why you aren’t having fun on your own. Play the sport you like or pursue one of your interests. Insecure people push for serious relationships for the security it brings, and people can sense that.
The Fear Factor: It goes without saying that it’s not so great if you fall into the extremely picky camp. What causes someone to be so picky and overly discerning? Extreme pickiness is a giant blob of defense mechanisms with an underlying fear of a real long-term romantic relationship.
Underneath it all, people who are extremely picky are afraid to depend on someone for fear of getting hurt.
I was sitting at the prettiest date restaurant, out with a guy I’d met several days before at a mixer.
He was sweet and upbeat, talkative and seemingly driven.
That would be my last date before a self-imposed dating sabbatical. I had been like that for months, emotionally battered after my last relationship and closed off to connection.
Looking back one year later, my brain has blotted out much of the months I spent with my ex.
Healthy Picky: You’re careful about who you get involved with, taking things slowly in the beginning, not moving into the bedroom too quickly, and remaining on guard for a couple months or so until you have a sense of who this new person really is.When Bill* and I first started dating, I had no doubt he was interested in me.We would text first thing in the morning and talk all day about everything and nothing, and often I would send him a text right before I went to sleep, and the first thing I saw on my phone the next morning was a message from him.Sure, acting unavailable might work at the casual dating stage, but what happens after that? Learn an instrument, a language, or take dancing lessons. 2) Set Boundaries Why would someone commit to you if they’re getting everything they want without the commitment?How long before insecurities, neediness, and jealousy creep in? If you’re struggling to find people willing to move beyond casual dating, there’s a good chance you’re giving too much.He promised me things that felt too-much-too-soon but also kind of wonderful—that he'd bring me and coffee every morning, that we'd go away the next weekend together, that he would get me a plane ticket to meet him in Europe while he was away on business. "I don't want to rush into anything and regret it." "Don't worry," he responded. If I didn't, I'd be mysteriously gone." I wanted to believe it all. I left his apartment excited at the prospect of what we had started.